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Alcoholic Parents: The Effects of Alcoholism in Families

Written by Theresa Valenzky

& Medically Reviewed by Jenni Jacobsen, LSW

Medically Reviewed

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Updated 10/13/2023

Growing up with alcoholic parents can take a toll on a child’s development and have a long-term impact, even into adulthood.

Growing up with alcoholic parents or parents with an alcohol use disorder can have lasting effects on children. When these children reach adulthood, they may still experience negative consequences related to parental alcohol abuse because growing up with a parent addicted to alcohol can shape a child’s entire worldview. When they reach adulthood, they may still experience the lingering effects of witnessing alcohol abuse at home. 

The Effects of Alcoholic Parents

Having a parent addicted to alcohol can take a toll on a child’s development. When alcohol abuse is present, the home environment can be unstable, chaotic and even dangerous. Children with parents addicted to alcohol may also assume adult responsibilities and feel obligated to care for their parents. All of these factors can contribute to the following effects. 

Shame and Loneliness

The child of a parent with alcohol use disorder will likely struggle with shame and loneliness. They may socially withdraw because they worry peers will negatively judge them. They can also develop a sense of shame related to their parent’s behavior. Studies have shown that individuals who identify as adult children of parents with alcohol use disorder experience more guilt and anxiety in their relationships than those who didn’t grow up with parents addicted to alcohol. 

Self-Criticism

Growing up with parents who abuse alcohol can also lead to self-criticism and low self-esteem. Research has found that adults who grew up with parents with alcohol use disorder are more likely to struggle with low self-esteem. During childhood, these individuals may have blamed themselves for their parents’ problems, leading to a self-critical attitude and low self-worth. 

People-Pleasing

Adult children of parents with alcohol addictions may also grow up to be people pleasers. As children, they learned to take care of their parents’ needs. This leads to people-pleasing tendencies in adult relationships, as the person still believes they must care for others. 

Taking on Too Much Responsibility

When a parent is frequently incapacitated by alcohol, a child may take on adult responsibilities to compensate for the parent’s deficits. This can involve caring for younger siblings, taking on a significant portion of household duties like cooking and cleaning, and even paying bills. In adulthood, those who grew up with addicted parents may take on more than their fair share of responsibility in relationships because they are accustomed to doing so.

How Do Children Cope With Alcoholic Parents?

Unfortunately, it can be difficult to cope when living with a parent addicted to alcohol. Children who grow up in this environment are at increased risk of mental health problems, delinquency and substance abuse. They can also develop difficulty trusting and establishing healthy bonds with others in relationships. 

Given the challenges of having a parent addicted to alcohol, it is important to develop healthy coping mechanisms. Connecting with trusted adults for support, practicing self-care and seeking professional treatment can be essential. 

Seeking Forgiveness and Moving Forward in Healing

Alcohol addiction is a family disease affecting all members, not just the person with the addiction. For proper healing, professional treatment and support are often necessary. Participating in counseling and support groups can help you overcome the wounds of having an addicted parent. 

Treatment is also essential for the person living with an alcohol addiction. Through treatment, they can learn healthier coping strategies and skills for relapse prevention. Family treatment may be beneficial so each family member can learn how to support their loved one’s recovery best. 

If a parent with an addiction is unwilling to seek treatment, setting healthy boundaries is important. This means not accepting responsibility for their behavior or allowing them to take advantage of you, such as by asking for money for alcohol or mistreating you

Questions Children of Alcoholics May Have About Alcohol Addiction

If you’ve had the experience of growing up with a parent addicted to alcohol, you likely have many questions about their behavior. Some of these questions can be broken down into different age groups. 

Young Children of Alcoholics

Some of the most common issues a young child may have include:

  • Is my parent an alcoholic?
    • Identifying a parent as an alcoholic can be helpful, but that label may not be necessary. Instead of listing them as “alcoholic” or “not alcoholic,” it can help to focus on healthy or unhealthy drinking. If the parent frequently drinks, drinks to excess or experiences issues because of drinking, their drinking is unhealthy.
  • Will I be an alcoholic?
    • Although children of alcoholics may have greater risks of addiction, there are no certainties. Let them know that anyone can become addicted to alcohol, so they need to follow the laws about drinking and always make the healthiest choices.
  • Why does my parent keep drinking?
    • A parent keeps drinking because alcohol tricks their brain into wanting it more than anything else. Depending on how much they drink, not having any alcohol could make them feel really sick.

Teenage Children of Alcoholics

Teens have a different level of experience, information and development that influences the information they can handle. Some teens may even have firsthand experience with alcohol use.

Common questions teenagers ask about their parents’ alcohol use include:

  • How do you know your parent is a functioning alcoholic?
    • Functional alcoholics are still alcoholics — they just cover up the impact more effectively. If the parent drinks frequently, excessively or to the point of negative outcomes, they have alcohol use disorder. Their ability to function is a separate issue.
  • How do I deal with alcoholic parents?
    • When dealing with any addiction, it is best never to use anger, guilt or shame to communicate the point. During periods of sobriety, mention your worries and concerns. Always bring extra support from adult friends or family members to support your case.
  • How do I talk to an alcoholic parent?
    • The best communication involves respect and clear communication. It involves setting boundaries and expectations, sometimes in a formal intervention, about what will happen if substance use continues. Unfortunately, teens don’t often have much power, but they can still create change.
  • What if their drinking makes them fun?
    • Parents who abuse alcohol may be more permissive and absent, allowing teens to enjoy more freedom. Some teens may worry their parents will become more involved and strict if they become sober. Though this process is possible, having a stricter parent is better than having them struggle with alcohol addiction.

Adult Children of Alcoholic Parents

Since the questions do not stop when the child turns 18, adult children of parents with alcohol use disorder can still have questions regarding addiction. 

The most common questions of adult children include:

  • How do I confront an alcoholic parent?
    • The truth is that confrontation is rarely a good idea. Confrontations fueled by anger only seem to bring about more conflict. Instead, pick calm opportunities to address the situation with assertive communication. Offer love and support while planning consequences for substance use.
  • What should I do with an elderly alcoholic parent?
    • You can never force someone into substance abuse treatment. However, If older adults struggle to care for themselves, a concerned child could contact a local organization that protects high-risk adults. Consider contacting Area Agencies on Aging for more information.
  • How can I help an alcoholic parent?
    • When trying to help, it’s always important to be aware of enabling addiction-related behaviors. Enabling may seem helpful on the outside, but it only shifts the responsibility from them to you. When you make excuses, cover for their behaviors, give them money and ignore their use, you are not helping. Helping involves offering love, support, guidance, suggestions and firm boundaries when needed to encourage professional treatment and sobriety.
  • When do I cut off communication?
    • At some point, you may contemplate severely limiting or ending the relationship with your parent due to their substance use. This decision is not to be taken lightly. Rather than thinking of the relationship as a light switch that is either off or on, think of it as a dimmer that can gradually get brighter or dimmer. Cutting off communication may seem drastic, so focus on reducing contact when addiction is causing severe issues.

Common Questions Children Have About Parents Going to Alcohol Rehab

The questions do not stop with active addiction; the rehabilitation and recovery process can also create many questions and issues. Questions that children of parents with alcohol addiction may ask about rehab include:

  • How long will my parent be in alcohol or drug rehab?
    • The duration of rehab is uncertain and can range from a few weeks to an entire year. Most rehabs last for one, two or three months. Some parents will return home immediately after rehab, and others will move to a supervised community or sober living environment. These options can last for months or even years after rehab.
  • Where will I stay while my parent is in rehab?
    • Older children may be able to stay at home with the supervision of older siblings or caring family members. Other times, you must stay with friends or family members while your parent receives the necessary treatment. This change will cause a disruption, but it will help stop the ongoing disruption of addiction.
  • Will I be allowed to visit my parent in rehab?
    • You will likely be able to visit your parent, but maybe not at first. At the beginning of treatment, many rehabs work to separate people from their home environment so they can focus on recovery. During this early phase, contact with family members may be restricted. Over time, parents can phone their loved ones and have family visits.

Resources for Children of Alcoholics

Luckily, many groups and organizations see the struggle that children with parents with alcohol addiction face each day. Helpful resources include:

If someone you love is struggling with alcohol addiction, The Recovery Village at Baptist Health can help. Contact us today to learn more about treatment programs that can work well for your family’s situation. We’re located in Lake Worth, Florida, and offer a range of treatment options, including inpatient, partial hospitalization and intensive outpatient care. 

FAQ

  • How does having alcoholic parents affect a child?
    • Children may be placed in dangerous situations due to their parent’s alcohol use. It can also influence the development of attachment, trust, emotional regulation and problem-solving. These all can lead to negative consequences later in life.
  • Does having an alcoholic parent affect children academically and cognitively?
    • Children may not be given the attention and at-home assistance they need to thrive in school, and a lack of adequate care can lead to issues with cognitive skills like problem-solving.
  • How many children in the U.S. are living with an alcoholic parent?
    • National research shows about 10.5% of U.S. children 17 and younger live with a parent with an alcohol use disorder, which is the clinical term for an alcohol addiction. 
  • How do you tell your child their parent is an alcoholic?
    • It can be difficult to understand addiction at a young age. Because of this, it may be more helpful to let children know that their parent uses alcohol in an unhealthy way and that they are getting help.

Medical Disclaimer: The Recovery Village aims to improve the quality of life for people struggling with a substance use or mental health disorder with fact-based content about the nature of behavioral health conditions, treatment options and their related outcomes. We publish material that is researched, cited, edited and reviewed by licensed medical professionals. The information we provide is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. It should not be used in place of the advice of your physician or other qualified healthcare provider.

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